Tipping Tuesday #1

WARNING: Following post may contain a tower of words. Those tips are for advises and suggestions purposes. Practice it at your own risk.

4 Steps to Make A Sincere Apology

It is frustrating to have your apology rejected because it wasn't perceived as sincere after humbling yourself enough to deliver the damn thing in the first place. Equally frustrating, is the fact that, more often than not, this perception is accurate.

There are many ways to get apologies wrong and only a few ways to get them right. But, however you look at it, apologies are usually poorly received due to the huge gap that separates our sincerely felt emotions from the wrong words we used.

STEP 1: Take responsibility for your actions

You can best achieve this repentance by using a simple, straightforward sentence that uses two magic words - I’m sorry. After you’ve uttered those humbling words, address what you did in concise terms. The following examples show accountability through the use of the word “I” and the lack of the word “but”:

“I’m sorry I blew off our date."

“I’m sorry I said those things about your mother.”

That should be it. Do not add the feelings you think you incited in the other person (“I’m sorry you misunderstood me” or “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt”); doing so shifts blame away from you, which is the opposite of taking responsibility for your actions.

STEP 2: Acknowledge the indirect effects

You wouldn’t need to make a sincere apology if your actions hadn’t resulted in some nasty effects. In step two, you’ll concede to these effects with as much objectivity as you can gather.

“I’m sorry I blew off our date; I should've prioritize you and now it left me in regrets.”

“I’m sorry I said those things about your mother. They were uncalled for and I should never have let my anger get the better of me.”

That objectivity is the key; it shows that you’ve been able to get past your ego and to face your mistake with an honest assessment.Whatever you do, once again, do not make assumptions about how the other person is feeling, even if you’re certain that they’re accurate. To avoid this, don’t add any qualifying clauses; they often begin with “if” (“I’m sorry if you got offended”) or “but” (“Sorry about losing my temper, but sometimes you piss me off”). Saying those will eventually waste your efforts.

STEP 3: Ask for forgiveness OR offer redress

Keep in mind that only asking for forgiveness is not always the most appropriate move, since most people receive it apologies most of time. What people really want to know is what you’re going to do to correct the situation, a.k.a. your screw up. Keeping with the previous examples, you can continue to make a sincere apology by adding to them:

“I’m sorry I blew off our date; I should've prioritize you and now it left me in regrets. What do you say about tomorrow and this time you pick the restaurant?”

In the next example, forgiveness makes sense. If you do request it, do so without putting a time frame on it. Don’t insist on an answer (“Do you forgive me?”), instead give them some mixture of humility and flexibility:

“I’m sorry I said those things about your mother. They were uncalled for and I should never have let my anger get the better of me. I hope that you’ll forgive me.”

This example is simple and unassuming. When you make a sincere apology, it isn’t the time to impose some moral duty; it’s the time to throw out that hope of forgiveness without implying any demands.

STEP 4: Shut up and let it end

After expressing an apology. Be quiet and wait for responses. Continuing to talk only waters down everything that’s already been said. More often than not, we see this moment as an opportunity to squeeze in the last word and save face by somehow covering up our mistake. Typically it sounds like this: “But you know, you’re not completely blameless in this whole thing” or “Come on, everybody makes mistakes." In doing so, you’re screwing up the whole apology. Just be as humble as possible until everything is back to the usual state.

courtesy of askmen.com

PS: Hope these tips can help out whoever that offended their boyfriend, girlfriend, daddy, mommy, sisters, brothers, friends and etc etc...